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Band 5.5

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness dificult to define? how can people achieve happiness?

#people #money #happiness #dificult
Nowadays, most
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apply
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of
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apply
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the
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bestseller
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bestseller's
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bestseller
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 books talk about how
happiness
 can be reached. There is a general belief that thinks that
happiness
 can'
t
 be bought with material belongings. Humans are made out of
emotions
 including happy states which are part of a process of personal growth.
Emotions
 can'
t
 be bought with money but money can potentially help
hiding
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 them. First of all, it is very vague to say that
happiness
 can'
t
 be a result of having a healthy bank account.
Overall
, money can help you reach your desires and those will make you
temporary
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temporarily
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 happy.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 true that someone can achieve more
happiness
 by desiring less. Psychologists struggled to find the right definition
to
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of
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happiness
,
however
, after years and years of studies they realised that
emotions
 are just an inner state.
Then
,
happiness
 is inside every individual and varies depending
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on
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a person's personality and beliefs. The second main topic is about wondering how
happiness
 can be reached. The
answers
Fix the agreement mistake
answer
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 from many professionals is that an ultimate recipe does not work for everyone.
However
, the key is to acknowledge that
emotions
 are not a final goal to be reached.
For example
, someone will never know what
happiness
 means if they don'
t
 allow themselves to be sad. With
this
 in mind, humans need to accept low
emotions
 in order to identify the high ones. To summarise, the pursuit of
happiness
 is an interesting topic for society, where many books about
emotions
 have been written. Many studies have shown that happy
emotions
 occur during short periods of time and in order to spot them, we need to allow ourselves to feel sad as well.
Submitted by celinedoultremontt on

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task response
Your essay covers the topic of happiness and money, but the response is not fully developed. Make sure to thoroughly address each part of the prompt and provide a more comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with a clear logical structure, introduction, and conclusion. However, there are areas where more effective transitions and linkers could be used to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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