Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity,improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children) To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children

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A lot of individuals support that charity

services

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should be a mandatory part of high school activities. I personally agree with

this

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opinion and

this

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essay will discuss the reasons and relevant examples to support my viewpoint.

To begin

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with, a wide range of various community

services

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can instil in

students

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a strong sense of positive character.

This

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is because they can improve children's moral and social values which can help

students

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to be more responsible citizens in the future.

For example

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, when I was a junior high school student, my school organized events like charity which

was

Change the verb form

were

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taking care of kindergarten kids. Even if we did not receive any money, we did our best as far as we could.

Additionally

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not only taught us how to be patient with children but

also

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made us more independent and mature than before which no teacher or book can instil.

Moreover

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such

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services

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also

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can make

students

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decrease stress. To explain that in modern societies

students

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are bothered with academic subjects

such

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as math science history and so on.

However

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, these non-academic events can make them happy and feel free.

As a result

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,they can more concentrate on their subjects and perform better during the exams.

For instance

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according to

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scientific research, if

students

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do some charities, can feel satisfied with themselves and increase their confidence by helping others. In conclusion , I totally agree with

this

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statement , it is beneficial for children to do unpaid community

services

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they can instil positive characters and happier emotions.

Submitted by jaehee0203.jh on Fri Jun 16 2023

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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