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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that zoo are cruel and all zoos should closed.However, some people think zoo can help protect animals Discuss both views and give your own opinion

While
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 few believe that it is very harsh on the
animals
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 to be enclosed in
zoos
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, others think that
zoos
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 are
a
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apply
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safe
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for the
animals
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. Even though
zoos
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 are very popular nowadays, in my opinion, it is always better for the
animals
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 to stay outside.
This
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 essay will outline different viewpoints before deciding on what is the best solution.
Firstly
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, there are a few that consider
zoos
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 as a threat to
animals
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due to
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 the enclosed spaces in the
zoos
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.
Animals
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 are supposed to live freely and in larger spaces. Keeping them in
zoos
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 will affect their mental ability
as well as
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 their growth.
Although
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zoos
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 try to allocate the necessary areas for the
animals
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, it is always hard for them to do the same for each and every
species
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 in the zoo.
For example
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, the polar bear is an animal that only lives in colder weather and it will be heavy maintenance for the
zoos
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 that are in warm locations.
On the other hand
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, some argue that
animals
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 are supposed to be in
zoos
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 as they can get food in time and will be free of any infections or diseases.
For instance
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, every zoo has its own designated veterinary doctor who checks all the
animals
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 regularly and makes sure that they are healthy.
Also
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, by keeping the
animals
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 like lions, tigers, etc.,
zoos
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 are saving the lives of other
species
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. In my opinion,
zoos
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 are beneficial for some
species
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,
however
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, they should not try to capture the
animals
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 for the sake of the public
but
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apply
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,
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instead
Add a comma
,instead
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 they should focus on helping and growing the
species
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 that are on the verge of extinction.
To conclude
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,
zoos
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 are entertaining for
a human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
human beings
a human being
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, but
animals
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 have the right to live their life on their own.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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