IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of 16. Clearly, parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 15-year-old children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In many countries, young people are given more rights and responsibilities when they reach the age of 16.
Therefore
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, many people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should prepare their
children
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 before they reach
this
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 important age.
This
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 essay argues that
parents
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 should guide their 15-year-old
children
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 to a certain extent
while
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also
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 allowing them enough freedom to become independent.
Body paragraph 1
Parents
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 should continue to guide their
children
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 because
teenagers
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 at the age of 15 are not mature enough to make every decision on their own. The first thing is that
parents
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 can help them distinguish between right
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 wrong and protect them from harmful influences
such
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 as bad friendships or unhealthy habits.
As a result
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,
teenagers
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 are more likely to make responsible decisions.
For example
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, if a 15-year-old wants to stay out with friends on school nights,
parents
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 should explain the consequences and set reasonable rules
instead
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 of allowing complete freedom.
Therefore
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, appropriate parental guidance helps
teenagers
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 develop responsibility and self-discipline.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
parents
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 should not control every aspect of their
children
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’s lives because
teenagers
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also
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 need opportunities to become independent. They should be encouraged to make their own choices in areas
such
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 as managing their study time, choosing hobbies or solving small personal problems.
This
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 allows them to learn from both success and failure and prepare for adult life.
For instance
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,
parents
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 can let their
children
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 decide how to organise their weekly study schedule
instead
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 of planning every hour for them.
Teenagers
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 gradually become more confident and capable of making decisions by themselves.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
parents
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 should intervene in the lives of their
15 years old
Correct word choice
15-year-old
show examples
children
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 only to a reasonable degree. By providing guidance
while
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 respecting their independence,
parents
Use synonyms
 can help
teenagers
Use synonyms
 become responsible and confident adults.

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task response
Your main view is clear: parents should give help, but they should also give some freedom. To make your answer stronger, say more clearly how far parents should step in. For example, parents can make rules for safety and school, but let young people choose friends, hobbies, and daily plans.
task response
Your two main ideas are good and stay on the topic. Add one more real or clear example to show how this works in family life. You could explain what a parent should do if a child makes a small bad choice, and what they should do if there is a safety risk.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Each body part has one main idea and an example. Keep this clear plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used many times, such as “Therefore” and “For example”. Use a wider range in a natural way, such as “Also”, “In this way”, “At the same time”, and “Because of this”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part show the exact point you will explain. For the first body part, you could say that parents should step in when a choice may harm health, school work, or safety. This gives the reader a clearer guide.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear, balanced view. Your ideas about safety, school nights, study time, and hobbies fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow. The examples come after the main ideas, so the reader can see why each point matters.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings back your main view: guidance should go with freedom.
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