IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some culture, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#culture #children #work #message
Almost every culture in the world follows the trend that 'Hard
work
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 key to success'. Some folks believe and teach their
children
 that with hard
work
 they can get everything in
life
. In
this
 essay, I will be implementing the pros and cons of giving
this
 advice to kids and will draw a logical conclusion. To start with, it can not be denied that hard
work
 brings a plethora of benefits to
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
. First and foremost, hard
work
connected
Add a missing verb
is connected
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 so when
children
 start
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 importance to
work
 they automatically start
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 importance to
time
.
Therefore
, it can be easier for them to learn the fundamental rule of nature that '
Time
 can not be stopped for
any body
Correct your spelling
anybody
show examples
'. Despite teaching the value of
time
 teaching the value of hard
work
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 earlier age helps them to get academic success which help them in their upcoming
life
.
Likewise
, hard-working
children
 in their later
life
 don't spend their
time
 in useless activities.
Additionally
, a survey conducted by Indian Turbine in which they analysed that
children
 who learn the
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 key
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age are more
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 don't take their formative
time
 seriously.
Controversly
Correct your spelling
Controversy
Controversially
, there might be some concerns about teaching the hard
work
 message all the
time
. one among
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them is that, some
children
 get stressed when parents force them
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
to do hard
work
. Henceforth, some
children
 don't able to do their studies best when their parents force them to do more hard
work
 which become negative
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on their
life
. Not only but
also
, because of more hard
work
 stress some
children
 stop
take
Change the form of the verb
taking
show examples
 part in
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 social
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. In conclusion, there is no doubt that teaching hard-working
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to
children
 is vital.
However
, parents should teach them
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
ethical
Correct article usage
an ethical
show examples
 way rather than forcing them to do hard
work
.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: