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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
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It is true that innovations modernised the way kids spend their
time
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. In
this
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 essay, I will outline the perceived benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 tendency and explain why it has more significant disadvantages. One of the many advantages is that
due to
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 recent breakthroughs in technology, kids nowadays have access to more resources than any generation before;
therefore
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, they can spend their leisure
time
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 reading books or learning a new skill,
as a result
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, children would benefit enormously.
Moreover
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, youngsters get to spend more
time
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 at home and the main reason for
that is
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 playing video games, whether on Laptops or Playstations;
thus
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, their parents won't have to worry about their safety,
for example
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, in a recent survey, it was shown that children tend to spend their free
time
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 at their home surfing the internet. Despite the obvious appeal, there are a variety of disadvantages to
this
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 trend, by being at home all the
time
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, youngsters don't get the opportunity to socialize with other individuals their age, for the reason that they have virtual friends;
hence
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, their social skills would be compromised.
Furthermore
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, children in the past used to spend the majority of their free
time
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 playing outdoors, in comparison to today where they prefer to play video games indoors,
as a consequence
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, they are vulnerable to
be
Verb problem
becoming
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 addicted and
this
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 will surely have a bad outcome on their education,
for instance
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, in the USA, 20 per cent of kids are diagnosed to be addicted to video games. In my opinion, I believe that these drawbacks outweigh the benefits mentioned above.
To conclude
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, As I have discussed, there are pros to
this
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 trend;
however
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, I believe that they are outweighed by the cons.
Submitted by saberyouc on

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task response
Address the question directly and provide a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be improved. Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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