IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are some arguments about
access
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 to scientific
information
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 in various fields. Some believe that it improves the quality of life. Others,
however
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, contend that
this
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information
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 is too significant and should not be available. I believe that more data allows
people
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 to be more aware and vigilant, but they should be classified and under control. On the one hand, supporters of increasing
access
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 to
information
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 cite that it makes
people
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 more successful, more confident, and better able to make informed decisions in difficult situations. To be more precise, if
people
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 have adequate
information
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 about a healthy lifestyle, they make efforts to abandon harmful habits.
For instance
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
according to
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 the Centres for Disease Control (CDC) guidelines, individuals should not shake each other's hands when they greet one another in order to prevent the virus from spreading,
although
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this
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 action is a custom between them.
Therefore
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, awareness could help
people
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 to save their lives in vulnerable situations.
Conversely
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, others believe that much knowledge could create an opportunity for abuse. To be clear, misunderstanding is the most important side effect of
information
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 availability. Since understanding about the same subject among a wide range of human ages would be different. As an example, Ritalin is a drug renowned for its highly focused effect. It should just be used for humans who have ADHD, but some students abuse it when they prepare for an exam to increase their concentration without paying attention to the adverse effects.
As a result
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, the more
information
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access
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, the more challenges the community will face.
To sum up
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, increasing
people
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's
access
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 to
information
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 not only allows them to improve their quality of life but
also
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 has unfavourable effects. I strongly believe that
access
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 to data should be controlled to prevent confusion.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Try to state your main opinion directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas and improve flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Make sure to explain your examples a bit more. This helps readers understand your points better.
Task Achievement
Your examples are relevant and show real-life situations, which helps support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing the complexity of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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