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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is widely believed that the main purpose of
music
Use synonyms
 is to release tension. I utterly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, as there are some other functions of
music
Use synonyms
 that
excels
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excel
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 the aforementioned one. Since immemorial times,
music
Use synonyms
 has been utilised as a tool
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 raising awareness about current major problems.
That is
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 to say that songs cover mass
audience
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audiences
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, and
hence
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, have a significant influence on
public
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the public
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 mind.
Therefore
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, they can lead to essential
ammendments
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amendments
 in
political
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the political
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 system and
community
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the community
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 itself.
For instance
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, Nirvana, which was a pretty popular rock band back in
1990s
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the 1990s
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, was able to reach officials regarding poor
women
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women's
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 rights and
preservence
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preserve
 just by singing about it in all of their concerts.
Furthermore
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, spreading important values and ideas is another essential role that songs play in society. Specifically, many of them
focuses
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focus
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 on the vitality of family, friendship, and wise decisions in one's life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals can even acquire certain lessons on how to react to distinctive emotional events
such
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 as
altercation
Fix the agreement mistake
altercations
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 and divorce, without having mental breakdowns. Recent research conducted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholars from Nazarbaev University validated that listening to
music
Use synonyms
 boosts the possibility of people
to analyse
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analysing
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 their own
life
Replace the word
lives
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 and
change
Wrong verb form
changing
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 into better versions of themselves.
Overall
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, it is irrefutable to claim that
music
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 is something more than just a way to mitigate the level of stress. In fact, it is dedicated to
emphasise
Wrong verb form
emphasising
show examples
on
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apply
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up-to-date social issues
as well as
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 to popularise essential values.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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