IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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There are a huge number of
people
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 who are migrating to urban places in the world today.
Villagers
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 move to
cities
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 so that the number of
people
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 in suburban areas is fewer. I believe that
this
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 situation is a good point for them because they are seeking a better life and income. Moving to an urban area or big city is the best choice for
villagers
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 to have a better future.
Additionally
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, they can pursue their dream and achieve more opportunities in life.
Moreover
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, there are fewer job occupations in rural areas than in the
cities
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 so they migrate to the city. To illustrate,
villagers
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 only farm and cultivate the resources in the countryside rather than manage their knowledge to other activities.
Hence
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, when individuals move to
cities
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, they try to cope with other jobs that can improve and develop their skills or even education.
Then
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, if they are capable enough of the occupations that are suitable for them, they will get a better income and may increase other possibilities.
On the other hand
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, decreasing
people
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 in rural areas can have a negative impact.
First,
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there will not be enough humans to maintain the land in the countryside.
For instance
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, there are fewer farmers who will cultivate the plants and other resources so it is affecting the yield from farming itself and impacting the supply chain.
Second,
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moving to big
cities
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 is a huge step that must be taken by
villagers
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 because they have to have basic skills and money.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 will suffer from the hardest part when they live in big
cities
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such
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 as high living costs and being far away from the family. In conclusion, migrating to big
cities
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 has positive and negative impacts on
villagers
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. I believe that moving to an urban area is a good aspect for the
people
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 because they can improve their lives and get a better income.
However
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, they must prepare for the worst from being far away from their family and the huge living costs in big
cities
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.
Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the richness and relevance of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure is quite good, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next for even better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and structured argument, evaluating both positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by providing a balanced view of the issue and concluding with a personal stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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