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Band 4

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #country #countries #work #trend
In
this
 era, many people leave their home country and go to other
countries
 to live and
work
.
Therefore
, in
this
 essay, I will describe
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion. A popular belief is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 going to other
countries
 to live and
work
 has been considered as an essential thing for human activities
such
 as
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a high salary and experience.
In addition
 to that, some people who consider
go
Change the verb form
going
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 to overseas to live and
work
 could gain
a
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apply
show examples
plenty of options rather than their home country, because individuals can follow the modern era to use cutting-edge technologies as important elements to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better life of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 and convenience environment at
work
. Even though living and working in other
conctries
Correct your spelling
countries
 has difficulties
to adapt
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adapting
show examples
 and
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
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,
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
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 finances, or
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
show examples
environment
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the environment
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,
technology
 has a huge opportunity to obtain a better result.
For example
, if citizens focus on upgrading
skill
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skills
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 to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity, they will earn more
incomes
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income
show examples
.
As a result
, focusing on the skill could incline the amount of good experience not only for today but
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 for
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 days.
On the other hand
, there are several issues or problems, to live or survive in other
countries
 to become crucial and famous in society’s view by having high cost and homesickness. First thing
first,
having terrible
obstacle
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obstacles
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 in
live
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life
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 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in other
countries
 could obtain and increase
cost
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the cost
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 of development, because several inhabitants have
wish
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wished
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 and hope about the easiness of financing.
Moreover
, having homesickness could become negative impacts or consequences, because society will not agree, and advocate focusing on infrastructure, and advocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
technology
.
Although
technology
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technological
show examples
 developments have an ideal opportunity to become potential incomes, these technologies and
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
 could not be
implementative
Correct your spelling
implementation
 and acceptable, because
technology
 can make people
loose
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lose
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 their jobs.
For instance
, if several societies understand and comprehend
regarding
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apply
show examples
the
technology
 impact, they will appreciate the meaning of
development
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developing
show examples
technology
 to avoid feeling hesitant in society.
Therefore
, technologies have been assumed as good elements for
society’s
Unnecessary verb
society
show examples
 to know and admit the
technology
 opportunity
in
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apply
show examples
some years ago until today’s era.
Submitted by faridhuzairi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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