IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree! Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or expenence. Write at least 250 words.

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society #expenence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, advertising has a huge power in marketing and I believe that goods are sold because of their presentation ways, not for real needs.
People
 buy so many unnecessary items to keep up with popular
culture
 and actually, it is kinda therapy because
people
 feel better psychologically. In the first place, the main reason for the power of advertising is clearly popular
culture
. When the presentation is good enough, the item will be on social media and
people
 just click the share button.
Although
 the item is not that perfect, the interest in the good will increase gradually.
For instance
, it was announced one year ago that Barbie's movie would be in the cinema. The PR of the film was absolutely great but the reality is quite different. The movie was below expectations and for many
people
 it was childish. Only half of the
people
 in the cinema waited for the end of the movie. In another way, advertising has a great influence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psychology. The companies release their presentation
according to
 society's psychological situation. They try the make you feel that you need that product and it actually works. When you buy something, which is popular on social media, you feel better. The trend products
such
 as Ugg boots are sold for thousands and still continue to be sold. When I check my social media, I see so many different influencers wearing these boots and it influences me as much as it influences other
people
. When
people
 have one of these boots, they feel satisfied.
As a result
, the advertising has a great impact on the sale of the products in many ways. Advertising feeds popular
culture
 and popular
culture
 instils in us that we need to buy these products to feel better.
Submitted by isil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider providing more diverse examples or supporting data. You mentioned Barbie's movie and Ugg boots, but including examples from different industries like technology or food could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by better organizing your ideas. Work on the transition between the introduction, main body points, and conclusion to present a more fluent progression of ideas. Each paragraph could begin with a clearer topic sentence.
task achievement
The essay does a good job in addressing the task by discussing the power of advertising in influencing sales rather than meeting genuine needs.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help illustrate the influence of advertising, particularly with popular culture.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer behavior
  • Perceived needs
  • Marketing strategies
  • Impulsive buying
  • Persuasive advertising
  • Consumer culture
  • Informed choice
  • Social trends
  • Economic catalyst
  • Branded products
  • Throwaway society
  • Societal values
  • Social status
  • Replacement cycle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: