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Writing Samples
Band 4

​​The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#​​the #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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With a higher number of young adults, more and more opportunities to increase the economic growth of the
country
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. It is generally accepted that numerous young productive citizens will positively stimulate
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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 growth of the
country
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, with whom they will upgrade some improvements in many
businesses
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business
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 areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if there is a large
amount
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number
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 of
youngsters
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 who have innovations, the
country
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 could receive both creativity and stability.
For example
Linking Words
, Traveloka and Gojek companies have been
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cleverly created by young Indonesians, the positive consequences of which are able to provide beneficial impacts not only on society but
also
Linking Words
 on
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country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 economy.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is a fact that
youngsters
Use synonyms
’ contributions could lead to a considerable advantage
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
country
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some middle-aged people elicit some strengths, several countries
also
Linking Words
 experience a couple of disadvantages
due to
Linking Words
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
youngsters
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. First of all, many uneducated young people might bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
negative results like paving the way for criminality, thief and brawl.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the government is not being able to provide job opportunities for them, the negative result is
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 fast-paced
of
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apply
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unemployment may increase. A good illustration of
this
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, some third-world countries do not have enough budgets for subsidizing education sectors, health services and nutrition foods, so plenty of
youngsters
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 will generally associate with a poor quality of life including lack of marketable skills, poor medical services and malnutrition community.
Overall
Linking Words
, these cases show that unqualified young generations will likely lead to some repercussions. All in all, young people, undoubtedly, are crucial for
Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 development. Some countries perceived many benefits with innovation and productivity because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 some faced the opposite. In my perspective, if the number of young individuals is massive, I believe a
country
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 will gain various advantages, especially the
youngsters
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 who are utilising the presence of technology.
Submitted by faridhuzairi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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