IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #science #people #lives
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Nowadays, many countries in
this
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 world are in a race to achieve their aim with
science
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. The key to many problems humans face is
science
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 for reducing hunger, finding new cures, and creating a better economy.
However
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, there is a strong argument that the public should be the priority and the essential goal of
science
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should
Verb problem
is to
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 make humans live better.
This
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 essay will examine why I agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, the development of
science
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 benefits people's
lives
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. Many invented cures and discoveries of technology bring people to a new era.
For example
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,
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
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 years
before
Rephrase
ago
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, someone who was infected by the flu close to died since there was no knowledge about the cure and how to prevent it.
However
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,
science
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 has been growing, scientists invented the vaccine, and the public nowadays can live side by side with the flu.
As a result
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,
science
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safe
Correct your spelling
saved
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 many
lives
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.
Furthermore
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,
science
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 aims to broaden people's knowledge to be aware of the environment. Many nations in
this
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 world do not have a good geography. Africa and some parts of Asia have severe drought, and most of them cannot produce their own food because of the bad soil.
In addition
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, scientists discovered how to make some vegetation suitable for
this
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 condition, and they did it.
For instance
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, In Indonesia, there is a place with poor land conditions, but with some experiments on vegetation, nowadays, they have poor land conditions, but with some experiments on greens, nowadays, they are able to grow some plants that suit poor soil.
This
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 helps society to improve their
lives
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 by growing their own food.
To conclude
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, the goal of
science
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 is helpful for the community.
Moreover
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, we already saw many positive impacts, and we are waiting for more discoveries to make our
lives
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 better.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to thoroughly respond to the task's question. This essay somewhat strays from answering to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is some repetition and overuse of certain phrases which reduce the fluidity and effectiveness of your argument. Try to implement a more varied vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Avoid grammatical errors. In place of 'science safe many lives', use 'science saves many lives'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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