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Band 6

Some people think children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
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In recent days, a topic has aroused heated discussions in society about whether
children
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 nowadays have too much
freedom
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. Some people think that
today
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's
children
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 are too free and loose,
while
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 others think that
children
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 are not free enough. In my opinion, I approve of
children
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 having too much
freedom
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. On the one hand, with the development of technology,
children
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 in
today
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's era can use technology to obtain more information, and they can communicate with different people through the Internet. It seems that
children
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 have too much
freedom
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.
Moreover
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, a large part of parents
today
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's education methods and concepts are not good. Sometimes, they neglect to supervise and guide their
children
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 because they are busy with work.
Additionally
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, other parents may overly spoil their
children
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. Overindulging their
children
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 because of their parents will
also
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 give them too much
freedom
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.
In addition
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, schools should
also
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 be responsible for giving
children
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 too much
freedom
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.
Today
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's schools do not interfere too much with
students
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' personal studies and life. They emphasize the importance of
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students'
Correct your spelling
student's
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 independent learning and thinking, which makes
children
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 less restrained and have too much
freedom
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.
On the other hand
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,
today
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's society is highly competitive for jobs, and the requirements for academic qualifications are getting higher and higher, so
students
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 must study hard,
otherwise
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 they will not be able to find satisfactory jobs, nor can they earn enough money to support their families or themselves, which may lead to One of the reasons why they are not free enough.
In addition
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, most schools in China
today
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 care about
students
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' grades because it will affect their reputation. They assign a lot of homework to their
students
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, leaving them with little time to do what they like because they are busy with tasks assigned by the teacher.
This
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 results in
students
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 having less free time. In general, I support the idea that kids in
today
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's society have too much
freedom
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.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives and providing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but work on the overall coherence within paragraphs to link ideas more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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