IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages.

#people #risks #lives #outweight
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It is
of
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apply
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importance
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important
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 for
people
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 to make risky moves in their career lives and even private lives.
Although
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 it can be very costly, I believe nothing can surpass the fact that
risks
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 can help
people
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 grow.
To begin
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 with,
risks
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 can be costly which is a negative result from either work
life
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 or individual
life
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.
For instance
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, taking a loan from the bank to start a new business comes with a high possibility of failure as
this
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 might not work.
This
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 can be a very big loss and the process of working to cover the expenses and paying back the bank can be very stressful and expensive.
In addition
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 to
this
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, some
risks
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 can cost one's
life
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 and
people
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 can die in the process. Activities
such
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 as money laundering can generate a lot of money but
people
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 are at risk of losing their lives either in jail or murdering each other.
However
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, there are some moves which can help
people
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 grow in their jobs and individually.
People
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 who come out of their comfort zone and discover new things can learn more about their strengths and weaknesses
as well as
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 areas they need to improve.
For example
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, surgeons can never grow in their careers if they are scared to cut and open a human body in order to save them.
Similarly
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, a person who is above 18 and still staying with
parents
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their parents
his parents
her parents
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 will never grow if he or she cannot go out there and experience
life
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 alone. In conclusion, it is very important to make bold decisions in
life
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 either
career wise
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career-wise
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 or for private purposes. Despite the costs and
loses
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losses
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 that can occur, I believe nothing can beat the fact that
risks
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 help
people
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 to grow.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
Consider developing your examples more thoroughly. While you provided relevant scenarios, adding more details can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although your essay flows well, further enhancing the connections between paragraphs will support coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view, considering both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and well-supported by examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunity
  • growth
  • innovation
  • achievement
  • comfort zone
  • security
  • failure
  • success
  • uncertainty
  • challenges
  • decision-making
  • courage
  • calculated risks
  • consequences
  • fear
  • regret
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