It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages.
It is
of
Change preposition
apply
importance
for Replace the word
important
people
to make risky moves in their career lives and even private lives. Although
it can be very costly, I believe nothing can surpass the fact that risks
can help people
grow.
To begin
with, risks
can be costly which is a negative result from either work life
or individual life
. For instance
, taking a loan from the bank to start a new business comes with a high possibility of failure as this
might not work. This
can be a very big loss and the process of working to cover the expenses and paying back the bank can be very stressful and expensive. In addition
to this
, some risks
can cost one's life
and people
can die in the process. Activities such
as money laundering can generate a lot of money but people
are at risk of losing their lives either in jail or murdering each other.
However
, there are some moves which can help people
grow in their jobs and individually. People
who come out of their comfort zone and discover new things can learn more about their strengths and weaknesses as well as
areas they need to improve. For example
, surgeons can never grow in their careers if they are scared to cut and open a human body in order to save them. Similarly
, a person who is above 18 and still staying with parents
will never grow if he or she cannot go out there and experience Correct pronoun usage
their parents
his parents
her parents
life
alone.
In conclusion, it is very important to make bold decisions in life
either career wise
or for private purposes. Despite the costs and Add a hyphen
career-wise
loses
that can occur, I believe nothing can beat the fact that Replace the word
losses
risks
help people
to grow.Submitted by sisalt100 on
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task achievement
Consider developing your examples more thoroughly. While you provided relevant scenarios, adding more details can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although your essay flows well, further enhancing the connections between paragraphs will support coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view, considering both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and well-supported by examples.