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Writing Samples /
Band 7

task 2: some think that physical strength is important for sucess in soprts, while others think that mental health is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #strength #sucess #soprts #health
There is a common belief that physical
strength
 plays a vital role in success in
sports
,
while
 others hold the school of thought that it is much more crucial to have good mental
health
.
This
 essay will analyze both stances, before showing my final thought. On the one hand, proponents of physical
strength
 argue that to be successful in
sports
 physical
health
 is the key. There are good grounds for that idea.
Firstly
, physical
strength
 supplies athletes with flexibility and abilities for hardcore training, which requires them to expend their talents
as well as
 energy. With strong
health
, athletes or sporters can be able to adapt to various difficult levels of working out. Take weightlifting
for example
, Having physical fitness brings
people
 the advantage of participating in
this
 sport, which often rewards the most outstanding titles for who can deadlift with the most bumper plates, and each bumper plate can weigh up to 25kg.
Secondly
,
people
also
 demand physical
strength
 for stamina, especially in running. It allows trainees to have longer training with even more exercises than those who do not have
this
 type of
strength
. The more time
people
 spend practising, the better results they may get.
On the other hand
, mental
health
 contributes an even more important factor to achievements in
sports
according to
 the advocates of
this
 thought. The foremost reason can be referred to is that mental
health
 is the base for motivation and discipline in
sports
 training. Had there not been any motivations and disciplines, the sportspersons would not have started and
then
 maintained their preparation for
sports
 competitions or
sports
 games.
Besides
this
, there is determination, which gathers the whole concentration of a person in the purpose of pursuing his or her desires, that a healthy mentality brings to
people
.
In particular
, esports
such
 as League of Legends do not require their players to be fit but attention and mindful ability throughout stressful times of competitions to achieve the highest rewards.
Therefore
, a balanced approach is likely the most rational idea.
People
 should build their
strength
 in order to attain not only good
health
 but
also
 hard training,
while
 they structure
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
firm mental
health
 to overcome failures and touch their goals accompanied by determination in contests and disciplinal practices.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

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clarity
Work on refining the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit wordy and could be simplified for better comprehension.
examples
Incorporate more varied examples to support your points, especially examples that cover a wider range of sports to strengthen your argument.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, making a clear argument that is revisited at the end.
coherence
Logical structure and flow are well-maintained, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments.
task achievement
Good balance of discussing both views and providing your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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