The charts below show the main methods of transportation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009.

The  charts below show the main methods of transportation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009.
The two pie charts compare 5 categories (bus.bicycle, car. train and walking) of
university
travelling
transportation
between2004 and 2009. It is noticeable that
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
of
university
tavelling
Correct your spelling
travelling
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
experienced a
sognificant
Correct your spelling
significant
fall over the
5
Add a hyphen
5-year
show examples
year
period
while
this
figure for
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
and
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
saw a big rose. In 2009, 51 %
Change preposition
of an
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
average
university
travelling
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
transportation
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
went on which is the largest pie
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chart
however
by 2009 the figure for
this
category had fallen by 28%.
By contrast
, in terms of
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
the percentage of
university
travelling
transportation
this
category made up33% in 2004, and after 5
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
this
figure
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
saw a sharp increase
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
46% making it the largest
transportation
of all.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
smallest percentage of vehicles belonged to
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
in the first
year
,
however
, next
year
period there was a 7% rise in
this
category.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words university, transportation, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: