IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #people #age #adult #punishments
Nowadays, the crime rate among young students is rising significantly. Some individuals believe if teenagers get punishments as adults regardless of age, the number of youth crimes will decrease dramatically. I partially agree with
this
 statement,
due to
 the fact that both areas provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different consequences. On the one hand, parents do not control their
children
.
As a result
, teenagers easily influence by external
factor
Change the noun form
factors
show examples
such
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, games and illegal sites.
For instance
,
according to
psychologist
Add an article
a psychologist
the psychologist
show examples
,
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
 who plays
such
 games as CSGO or PUBG
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much cruel, because their mind accepts as
usual
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a usual
show examples
 thing and they do not afraid of blood. Some people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that government have to punish parents because teenager future prospect will collapse.
On the other hand
, pupils should know how
badly
Replace the word
bad
show examples
 is
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
. Everyone should be punished equally.
For example
, if punish parents,
children
 will not realize
difference
Add an article
the difference
show examples
 between right and wrong. By punishing some students who are involved
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 crimes, the government can deliver
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 to
other
Change the wording
another such young teen
other such young teens
show examples
such
 young teen about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of wrongdoing.
As a result
, society
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
this
 idea that it will decrease the crimes.
To conclude
, some people believe if young people did something wrong, they have to answer below the law
while
 the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 future life will be
.
Change preposition
like.
show examples
 I believe that everyone should be punished equally despite
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 age. So,
children
 will understand what they are doing wrong.
Submitted by g.ulugbek14 on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Rehabilitation
  • Adolescent development
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Criminal justice system
  • Deterrence
  • Recidivism
  • Moral reasoning
  • Developmental psychology
  • Restorative justice
What to do next:
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