IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix this problem.

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Nowadays, obesity is becoming a vital concern
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 youngsters. Because of
this
Linking Words
 many
children
Use synonyms
 suffer from health-related issues. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will be implementing the possible grounds and logical solutions to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are a plethora of concerns
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
fatique
Correct your spelling
fatigue
 and health-related problems in teenagers. First and foremost, an unhealthy lifestyle is an essential concern of obesity in young people. The first instance of
this
Linking Words
 is eating fast food. Youngsters in today's world prefer to eat fast food rather than homemade food.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 don't like to go for physical exercise and don't engage in any physical
games
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by Indian Turbine in which they analyzed the physical activities
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 teenagers
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased by 12% in 2022
then
Linking Words
 back 2011.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 era both parents are working and don't give proper time to the health of their
children
Use synonyms
. Controversy, there is a score of concerns because of fatigue and health problems in teenagers. These issues can be overcome by taking some suitable manners. One among them is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Parents should
regular
Change the adjective
regularly
show examples
 update on the health of their
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as what they are eating and which physical activities they are doing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, try to keep them away as much as possible from
sanitary
Correct article usage
a sanitary
show examples
 lifestyle to
exampliary
Correct your spelling
exemplary
 use of phones and video
games
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the community should organize some
games
Use synonyms
 tournaments and involve their
children
Use synonyms
 in traditional
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as footfall. In conclusion, it can not be denied that obesity is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major concern in some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
took
Change the form of the verb
taking
show examples
 some initiative we will
dimolish
Correct your spelling
diminish
this
Linking Words
 issue from
root
Add an article
the root
show examples
.

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Screen time
  • Balanced diet
  • Nutrients
  • Physical education
  • Parental influence
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional stress
  • Coping mechanism
  • Caloric intake
  • Processed foods
  • Nutrient-dense
  • Health awareness
  • Fast food industry
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