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Writing Samples
Band 7

A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They are also lacking physical fitness. what are problems? how to solve this problem?

#people #loneliness #fitness
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Mental
health
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 has been a big issue in recent years. There is an increasing percentage of
people
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 who are experiencing mental
health
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 problems that sometimes lead to self-harm. I will tackle in
this
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 essay the causes of the depression of
people
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 and
also
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 how to solve it. There are various causes for
people
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 who suffer loneliness and less physical activity.
Firstly
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, is the use of the internet. At any time, random
people
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 could criticize you, insult you and judge you without really knowing who you are. On Facebook,
for instance
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, anyone could comment on a photo you post. They could like the post and
also
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 give feedback.
However
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, there are
also
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people
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 who could bash you intentionally to degrade you and let you down. With
this
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, you will feel depressed and not want to leave your house as you feel like everyone might think just as the bashers think of you.
Secondly
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, is the lack of
support
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. Up to
this
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 day, mental
health
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 is still a taboo topic. A person would rather keep to himself what he feels rather than be judged by others. Korea,
for example
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, has the highest suicide rate among other countries.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they do not have
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
support
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 centres to help those
people
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 in need.
Hence
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, youngsters feel alone and harm themselves. There are solutions to
this
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 problem. One of them is for the government to open more
support
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 kiosks in every town. In
this
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 way, lots of
people
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 could be catered to and be advised on what things need to be done. Another solution is to advertise more about the significance of mental
health
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.
This
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 will eradicate the awkwardness when talking about the issues. To illustrate, if the government will keep on advertising on media or any social media platforms,
this
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 will remove the stigma of
this
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 problem. The more aware the citizens are, the more that they will embrace the reality.
To sum up
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, there are different reasons why
people
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 are getting depressed one of which is the lack of
support
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 and
also
Linking Words
 the criticisms from other
people
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. But,
this
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 could be hindered if the government will do their part by providing more centres that could help the ones in need
as well as
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 advertising it.
Submitted by eric.benedict520 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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