Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
People have varying opinions about whether
music
can be used to make individuals from different cultures or ages unite. I completely agree that music
can unify people.
First of all, music
can be regarded as a global language in human society. It can break through some barriers existing between different languages or country boundaries, making it preferred by music
lovers from all over the world. For example
, it is difficult to buy a ticket for Taylor Swift's concert as she is incredibly popular worldwide. Most countries or regions are so pleased to invite her to hold a concert, increasing the domestic income. In addition
, Jay Chou, a Chinese singer, produced a song named "Nunchakus," which has become a smash hit in the western
world. Capitalize word
Western
As a result
of that, an increasing number of westerners
are interested in Chinese culture.
Capitalize word
Westerners
Secondly
, from the standpoint of peoples’ ages, music
has its own special glamour to attract people from all different age groups. For instance
, in China, there is a music
TV programme called "The Voice of ina
." Capitalize word
Ina
This
intriguing programme could bring every family's
Change noun form
family
members
together to have conversations, facilitating their emotional expressions and enhancing their relationships. Fix the agreement mistake
member
Furthermore
, good music
can be passed from one generation to the next,
such
as Boundless Oceans, a song from a band named Beyond. This
song has existed for several decades; however
, it is still preferred by most Chinese youngsters, especially when they are prepared
for their graduation.
In conclusion, my view is that Wrong verb form
preparing
music
could play a pivotal role in connecting individuals, regardless of their cultures or age groups.Submitted by 842623369 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Although the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples, further explanation of how those examples specifically unify different cultures and age groups could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured and easy to follow; however, more transitional phrases could be used to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples that directly relate to the points made, enhancing the argument's credibility.
coherence cohesion
The main points are clearly stated and supported with specific examples.