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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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People have varying opinions about whether
music
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 can be used to make individuals from different cultures or ages unite. I completely agree that
music
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 can unify people. First of all,
music
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 can be regarded as a global language in human society. It can break through some barriers existing between different languages or country boundaries, making it preferred by
music
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 lovers from all over the world.
For example
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, it is difficult to buy a ticket for Taylor Swift's concert as she is incredibly popular worldwide. Most countries or regions are so pleased to invite her to hold a concert, increasing the domestic income.
In addition
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, Jay Chou, a Chinese singer, produced a song named "Nunchakus,"  which has become a smash hit in the
western
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Western
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 world.
As a result
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 of that, an increasing number of
westerners
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Westerners
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 are interested in Chinese culture. 
Secondly
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, from the standpoint of peoples’ ages,
music
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 has its own special glamour to attract people from all different age groups.
For instance
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, in China, there is a
music
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 TV programme called "The Voice of
ina
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Ina
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."
This
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 intriguing programme could bring every
family's
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family
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members
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member
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 together to have conversations, facilitating their emotional expressions and enhancing their relationships.
Furthermore
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, good
music
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 can be passed from one generation to the
next,
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such
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 as Boundless Oceans, a song from a band named Beyond.
This
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 song has existed for several decades;
however
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, it is still preferred by most Chinese youngsters, especially when they are
prepared
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preparing
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 for their graduation.   In conclusion, my view is that
music
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 could play a pivotal role in connecting individuals, regardless of their cultures or age groups.
Submitted by 842623369 on

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task achievement
Although the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples, further explanation of how those examples specifically unify different cultures and age groups could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured and easy to follow; however, more transitional phrases could be used to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples that directly relate to the points made, enhancing the argument's credibility.
coherence cohesion
The main points are clearly stated and supported with specific examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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