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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many individuals think that
art
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subjects
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,
such
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 as music, dance, sculpture, painting, and many more, are crucial to education,
while
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 others claim that
such
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 activities are a waste of time. I concur that it is a crucial subject, but I think youngsters should learn about various
subjects
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, not only
art
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. Both points of view will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, There are a number of reasons why teaching
art
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 to kids in school is important, including the fact that it can increase
students
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' self-confidence and help them overcome stage fright.
For instance
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, when
students
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 participate in school events where they must perform on stage in drama, dance, speeches, and music, their self-confidence and stage fright will both increase.
Second,
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Children can learn about our cultural heritage by visiting museums.
For instance
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, a teacher should visit a museum or other historical location once every six months.
In addition
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, Teachers should be teaching painting, it would be creativity of mind, If people increase their skills in painting and other
art
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 activities it would be they have new ideas.
On the other hand
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, Some people believe that
art
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 is only a short-term hobby and
focused
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focus
show examples
 more on
subjects
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 like science, technology, and business. Children who are only involved in the
arts
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 do not have time for other
subjects
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.
Due to
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 younger
students
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 choosing other
subjects
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 over
art
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,
art
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-subject jobs are less common today and require more training.
For example
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, let's take the example of photography. We need to spend in high cameras and locations for portfolios so that the public will be interested and artists can earn. Other
subjects
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 lead to success more than the
arts
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, so children need to make a greater expenditure on the
arts
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, which is one kind of business.
To sum up
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, schools should emphasize the
arts
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as well as
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 other
subjects
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, and teachers should teach
students
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 about our cultural history and the advantages of the
arts
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.

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Task Response
Address the prompt in a more balanced and cohesive manner by discussing both perspectives with more clarity and depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear introductory and concluding statements that frame your main points effectively. The essay lacks a strong overall coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more academic and specific terms related to the topic to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.
Grammatical Range
Strive for a wider variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy to demonstrate a more advanced command of the English language.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
What to do next:
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