These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children’s #behaviour

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is no denying the fact that television

programs

provide a murderousness

while

it may increase our children's love to kill.

While

it is a commonly held belief that our kid's attitudes could change because of violent

programs

, there is

also

an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that it is true to change our children's attitudes.

To begin

with, in recent years many

programs

have given our generation bad shows.

In other words

, it really changes their mindset and makes them want to kill or punch anyone they see.

In addition

kids

still do not know the difference between good and bad.

For example

, in the

last

10 years , we can see that the

kids

want to punch anyone because

this

is caused by a lack of understanding and empathy. Parents and educators should work together to teach children how to express their emotions without resorting to

violence

. Another point to consider, educators should reduce the amount of

violence

. It is

also

possible to say that, many

kids

can not take all of the

violence

in the show, it could cause them complex emotions.

Moreover

, it is really scary as long as the

kids

will treat

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others like what they see in the TV

programs

For instance

, imagine a kid punching other boys because he wants to be like the character in the TV program he saw, and the boy gets hurt for no reason

this

will cause problems for both families. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that educators should reduce the amount of

violence

because the

kids

can not stand it.

Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on Sat Oct 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Strengthen the argument with more specific examples or data to provide stronger support for your points.

task achievement

Clarify unclear terms and expressions to ensure the reader understands your points (e.g., 'provide a murderousness').

coherence cohesion

Improve logical structure by more clearly linking ideas between paragraphs and sentences.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that main points are fully developed with explanations and examples related to the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, aligning with the topic.

task achievement

Identified and explored multiple perspectives on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

exposure
influence
desensitization
imitate
parental guidance
education
mitigate
negative impact
affected
violent content
behavior
factors

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages.
Nowadays, Technology is the fastest-growing concept amongst the human population. In future, space scientists can create the possibility for mankind to travel to other planets for vacations. This essay will first suggest the enhancement of technology and opportunities for travel out of the world, and then demonstrate that risk to life and irregularities in biological activity could be the primary drawbacks of this concept.
5.5
band
With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?
While it is widely claimed that the advancements in health care nowadays enhance human lifespan which results in changes of demographics especially elderly people, others argue that this trend can be somewhat worrying as society gains more responsibility to look after these fragile group. Both opinions and how they can be managed will be elaborated on in this essay.
5
band
Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?
After the pandemic, the revolution on the working system enabled the choice for working remotely. While many employees considers this an efficient choice, some others think differently. This essay will support the idea that the advantages of this method does outweigh the disadvantages.
4.5
band
Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Reduction in environmental pollution and housing problems should be the major concern of government to mitigate poor health conditions and diseases. I , completely agree with this statement that government should consider this as a serious matter and take some useful actions for the same.
7.5
band
In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as factory farming and the use of technology to improve crops. Some people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them as dangerous and advocate a return to more traditional farming methods. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion
In contemporary society, whether utilizing advanced technologies in farming is an issue open to intensive debate. Some suggest that people should insist on conventional framing ways, while I contend that it is inevitable to facilitate industrialized agriculture.

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages.

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?