IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Children over 15 should be allowed to make decisions about their lives without the interference of their parents or teachers. Society should accept that children mature at a younger age these days and should adjust the law accordingly. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #decisions #lives #interference #parents #teachers #society #age #law
Nowadays, freedom is
one
 of the major
key
Change to a plural noun
keys
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 for
children
. They are waiting to reach
this
age
 and when they enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
age
, they act
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 an adult
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
. Their parents or mentors should not be very sensitive,
instead
, they should trust and permit them to decide for their life.
Further
, I agree that human communities should respect teenagers and adults based on the
athourities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 law. Here, I will highlight why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents or teachers should respect
children
 over seventeen in
age
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
children
 when reach to
age
seventeen
Change preposition
of seventeen
show examples
, their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
completely
Add a missing verb
have completely
show examples
 grown,
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, they can differentiate between good and bad things.
Additionally
, they have enough experience, so, they have the ability to adapt
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 to most of the
difficult
Correct quantifier usage
most difficult
show examples
 situations.
For example
, teenagers are capable to work in
agroup
Correct your spelling
a group
 and work independently in a society.
On the other hand
, if parents or mentors
such
 as teachers do not give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
 and make barriers to their life, the
children
 do not become an adult and they remain
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
a week
show examples
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
 in personality and capacity.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, the negative consequences appear
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
age
 twenty or above twenty.
Children
Change noun form
Children's
show examples
 independence is crucial for families and mentors in human societies in
oreder
Correct your spelling
order
 to reduce the negative
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 and give
trusts
Fix the agreement mistake
trust
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life.
Children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
age
 are very sensitive and should respect them and make them act and think
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
independent
Change the word
independently
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
.
Submitted by bashdar.hussen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: