IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

: Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Subjects
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such
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 as painting and drawing are as beneficial for children's development as other
subjects
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 at
school
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 which is why it should be obligatory in high
school
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement because not everyone likes art
classes
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 and some teenagers want to focus only on the
classes
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 they actually need in order to get to universities.
Firstly
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, not all adolescents find those types of
classes
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 fascinating and they do not want to waste their time on something they do not like.
For example
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, these days teens have a lot of
subjects
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 at
school
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, and they spend half of their day only
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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at
school
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, and
then
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 after they have to do their homework. If these
subjects
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will be
Wrong verb form
are
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 included in their everyday
school
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 program, they have to stay at
school
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 even longer and they will have even less free time for things they actually enjoy.
Furthermore
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, the
last
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 two years of high
school
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 are really difficult for most teens. Teenagers have plans about what they going to do after graduating, but
due to
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 the exams, they experience constant pressure and stress.
For instance
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, if they want to get into university, they need to pass
SAT
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the SAT
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,
this
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 exam includes math and English because of that they will
be wanting
Wrong verb form
want
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 to concentrate only on
subjects
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 they need and will not have a lot of time for other
classes
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. In conclusion,
although
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 art
classes
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 can have positive consequences on children's development, I believe that students should have a right to choose
classes
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 themselves depending on their goals and
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they like it or not.

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introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is effective; however, you may want to clearly restate your main points to reinforce your argument.
logical structure
Your essay is coherent and logically structured, but aim for smoother transitions between some paragraphs to enhance the flow: "However," "Nevertheless," "In contrast," etc.
relevant specific examples
To improve task achievement, you could provide a broader range of specific examples to better illustrate your points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion that clearly present and summarize the writer's point of view.
supported main points
The main points are relevant to the topic and are supported by examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Visual-spatial skills
  • Fine motor skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Creative thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Historical context
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
  • Self-esteem
  • Sense of accomplishment
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