Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Most beverages contain high
sugar
levels, which can negatively affect health. Sugary products should be sold more expensive to make people inclined to less sugar
products. In my opinion, I tend to agree there are some reasons why I choose that.
Firstly
, the more sugar
is eaten the easier some diseases come into our bodies. One of the common diseases that folks encounter is diabetes. Diabetes is a medical condition characterized by elevated glucose levels in the bloodstream, resulting from an accumulation of glucose in the digestive system. This
condition can lead to some problems both physical and mental. From the appearance side, diabetes can cause overweight such
as more than 100 kilograms. In that case, a patient must spend a lot of money to get appropriate therapy to control their eating desire.
Secondly
, consume much sugar
additionally
, it may have adverse effects on human productivity. Some research states that high levels of sugar
can cause an addiction to the brain since the tongue corresponds with the brain which makes humans want to eat repeatedly, if the percentage level of sugar
in our body enhances that can invite a feeling of sleep. To illustrate, upon awakening in the morning and consuming a sugary breakfast, one may experience fatigue due to
the body’s increased energy requirements to metabolize the sugar
.
In conclusion, the physiological and psychological impacts are the underlying factors that incline me to avoid sugar
-laden products. Regarding this
phenomenon, individuals must discern their dietary choices as the food they consume to maintain a healthy life.Submitted by damayanti.nsd on
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task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and evidence. You can expand more on how increasing the price of sugary products would encourage people to consume less sugar through additional examples or studies.
coherence cohesion
Work on adding a bit more variety in linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This will help your essay sound more sophisticated and less repetitive.
general language
Revise your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For example, 'the more sugar is eaten the easier some diseases come into our bodies' could be rephrased to 'the more sugar one consumes, the higher the chances of developing certain diseases,' which is clearer and more precise.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea that supports your opinion.
task achievement
The points made are relevant and support your argument well. The focus on diabetes and productivity issues helps underline the negative effects of sugar consumption.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite