IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In conclusion, a lot of governments are investing money in new technology as the ratio of criminals is increasing. As a consequence, this action can bring about positive changes and this is a suitable way to use government money

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In light of the proliferation of
technology
Use synonyms
, it may indeed be true to claim that
mechanic
Replace the word
mechanical
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equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 are increasingly becoming the focus of
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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to
Change preposition
around
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 the globe.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the high demand of residents for a better quality of life.
This
Linking Words
 writer contends that the increasing rate of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
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 is the reason for the expenditure of
government
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is a suitable way to use
money
Use synonyms
. It is vital to understand that a significant benefit of
technology
Use synonyms
 in people’s lives is the modernization of the healthcare industry. Gone are the days of long lines in the outpatient ward and hours of waiting for a doctor's consultation. Patients can schedule a hospital visit using their mobile phones and check if their doctor's office is open.
This
Linking Words
 way, hospital procedures are
also
Linking Words
 faster and more efficient.
For instance
Linking Words
, healthcare document scanners are now used by many medical facilities to digitize old medical files for easier access. By moving printed documents to a digital system, any healthcare staff can conveniently access a patient's record with a computer. It
also
Linking Words
 lessens the risk of misplacing or losing a patient's records since all information will be stored safely on a web application.
Not withstanding
Correct your spelling
Notwithstanding
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 the reality of offence, it prompts
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to enhance the security system.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, financial crises around the world are becoming more serious.
As a result
Linking Words
, many people will run into difficult situations, unemployment and have to steal
money
Use synonyms
 or refreshments to cover their expenditures.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the global political situation is becoming more and more stressful,
therefore
Linking Words
, governments can apply up-to-date
technology
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cameras to observe and save their citizen.
For example
Linking Words
, in Tan Son Nhat airport, a crucial place where a lot of passengers visit every day, The
government
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 has applied a lot of cameras, checking gates , and x-ray machines to save people from terrorism. In conclusion, a lot of governments are investing
money
Use synonyms
 in new
technology
Use synonyms
 as the ratio of criminals is increasing.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 action can bring about positive changes and
this
Linking Words
 is a suitable way to use
government
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
.

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Structure
Ensure a clear and consistent structure throughout your essay, with distinct paragraphs each addressing a single main idea.
Coherence
To enhance coherence, use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Task Response
It's essential to directly address the question throughout the essay to maintain a strong focus on the task requirements.
Examples
Integrate examples more seamlessly within your arguments, ensuring they directly support your main points.
Language
Consider employing a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency.
Introduction/Conclusion
You've effectively included an introduction and a conclusion that encapsulate the main points of your essay, contributing to a good overall structure.
Examples
The essay provides specific examples, like the implementation of healthcare technology and security measures at Tan Son Nhat airport, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence
Your essay presented a logical flow of ideas, enhancing its readability and cohesiveness.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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