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Band 7

Many university degree holders cannot find a job in their chosen profession.What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it ?

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Nowadays, unemployment is very common in the developing countries and there are certain reasons behind
this
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. Most educated
students
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 are not getting their own professional place. I will enumerate the possible factors and my opinion in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, I will blame the corrupted politics of the nation. As they are getting money in the form of bribes from people who are not talented and not got enough grades from their studies and they are selling a number of positions to them.
Thus
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, graduated recruitment who are seeking positions are not hired for suitable careers.
Secondly
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, extended retirement time by the authority is the major cause of
this
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 problem. Earlier, the pension of individuals starts at the age of 45 but now it is 60.
Thus
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, there are very limited new vacancies because seniors are not leaving their trade as they are not getting their retirement.
For instance
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, a survey was conducted in India in 2022 and it revealed that unemployment rose by 60% because elder people more than 45 years of age were still working.
However
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, steps need to be taken to overcome
this
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 rising issue.
Firstly
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, the ministry should do work with loyalty to their own country and their members should be punished strictly if they would bribes.
Moreover
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, an entrance test should be conducted for every position. So that intelligent and talented
students
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 would get posted
accordingly
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.
Last
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 but not least, the authority should reduce the retirement age back to 45. So, the new coming global stars would get a chance to show their brilliance.
Overall
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, newly graduated
students
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 have a right to do work which suits them but some steps are needed to be taken by the regime. They must have to acknowledge each aspect that affects it. The authority should have to make some rules
such
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 as bribers would be punished strictly by the law, and educated recruiters would get jobs
accordingly
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 to their ranks from entrance examinations. If these kinds of rules would be made by the law, graduated
students
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 would definitely get jobs.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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