IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart provides data on the number of biths given per woman in 6 Gulf countries in 2 seperate years 1990 and 2000.

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The bar chart compares the number of births each
woman
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 in six countries (
Bahrain
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,
Kuwayt
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Kuwait
, Qatar,
Oman
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, S.
Arabia
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,
UAE
Correct word choice
and UAE
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) between 1990 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
Oman
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 and S.
Arabia
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 had the
highly
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high
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 rates in both years.
The
Correct article usage
apply
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Use synonyms
Bahrain
Change noun form
Bahrain's
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 lowest
in
Change preposition
apply
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each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
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. In
Oman
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 was about births per
woman
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in1990
Correct your spelling
in 1990
. The figure for S.
Arabia
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 was slightly lower, but still much highest than other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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make up
Join the words
makeup
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 6.5
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woman
Change to a plural noun
women
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while
Linking Words
Bahrain
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 and Kuvayt organise about 3.5 same
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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. Qatar and UAE reached approximately four.
Further
Linking Words
,
Oman
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 and S.
Arabia
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 fairly declined to over five births given by a
woman
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 in 2000 , a fall around 3 other countries witnessed only a major drop in the number of children given birth by one
woman
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 in 2000.
Thw
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The
 figure for
Bahrain
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 decreased from over three to two
birtha
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births
birth
 per
woman
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 in 2000
while
Linking Words
 UAE dropped from four to three within the same period time.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words woman, bahrain, oman, arabia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • fertility rate
  • Gulf countries
  • economic development
  • social policies
  • healthcare improvements
  • population growth
  • decade
  • significant change
  • trend analysis
  • implications
  • variation
  • consistency
  • population dynamics
  • demographic changes
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