IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believed that having more police on the streets is the best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, many countries have struggled to combat rising
crime
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 rates.
While
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 some believe that increasing
police
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presence
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 on the streets is the most effective solution, I strongly disagree. In
this
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 essay, I will argue that relying solely on
police
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 patrols is not the best approach to reducing
crime
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. One of the main arguments against deploying more
police
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officers
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 on the streets is that many criminals are not intimidated by the
presence
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 of law enforcement. Some well-organized criminals,
such
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 as gangs or armed robbers, are often heavily equipped with weapons that outmatch what the average patrol officer carries.
This
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 imbalance in firepower could result in more dangerous confrontations, putting the
police
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 themselves at risk.
Instead
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 of deterring
crime
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, a higher
police
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presence
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 might escalate violence, making the situation worse.
Moreover
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, increasing the visibility of
police
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officers
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 in
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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 can negatively affect local residents. In some countries where
this
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 strategy has been implemented, innocent people are often mistakenly apprehended
due to
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 poor communication or lack of coordination among
officers
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.
This
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 can lead to a growing sense of distrust between the
police
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 and the community. The constant surveillance and fear of being wrongly accused may
also
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 harm the mental well-being of citizens, contributing to anxiety and a feeling of being oppressed in their own communities. In conclusion,
while
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 having more
police
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officers
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 patrolling the streets might seem like a straightforward solution to fighting
crime
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, it can create more problems than it solves. Criminals may become more dangerous, and local residents could suffer from the psychological effects of increased
police
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presence
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.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to consider alternative approaches to
crime
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 prevention that prioritize the safety and well-being of both law enforcement and civilians.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt comprehensively and presents a clear stance on the issue. The points you have made are relevant and contribute to a strong argument against increasing police presence as the sole solution to reducing crime.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your thesis, and a concise conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, contributing to the overall cohesion and coherence of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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