IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs #outweigh
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It is certainly true that today around the world has become more popular
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
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 people
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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 with their
parents
 after
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
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 from
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school or university and even when they find work. In my opinion, the merits of
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 the
adults
 with their
parents
 outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks of
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 the
adults
 people with their
parents
.
Firstly
,
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 can not find time to relax or even to get enough sleep.
This
 is because living with
parents
 means more family conflicts , which means
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 can struggle mentally.
For example
, employees who live with their families find challenges to concentrate on their
works
Change the noun form
work
show examples
 tasks , which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 their performance negatively.
Secondly
, adult rely on their
parents
 rather than learn responsibility.
For instance
,
adults
 can depend on their
parents
to
Change preposition
for
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 cooking, washing,
financially
Correct word choice
and financially
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.
Although
Change preposition
Despite
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 the downsides mentioned above, I would like to argue that the benefits of
live
Wrong verb form
living as
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the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
show examples
 with
parents
Add a missing verb
are significant
show examples
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 more than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. The first advantage, living with
parents
 means less financial burden. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
 do not need to pay for basic things namely bills
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
, house, water and electricity.
Therefore
,
adults
 can save a considerable amount of money in order to
marriage
Replace the word
marry
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 or buy new cars or
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 things. The second advantage,
this
Add a missing verb
is this
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 can assist
to make
Change preposition
in making
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 the relationships between members of families more strong, because
adults
 can talk with
parents
 and share fun things and look after them.
To sum up
, In my perspective, the pros of
live
Correct word choice
living with
show examples
adults
 with their
parents
 can outweigh the cons.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by providing a more clear and organized flow of ideas. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively present your main points and provide a clear indication of your position on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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