IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equaly. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some believe that it is more beneficial for pupils to
study
Use synonyms
 every subject at school,
while
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 others think that it is better to prioritize one subject
that is
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 necessary. On the one hand,teenagers should give equal attention to all
subjects
Use synonyms
. If they learn more
subjects
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, they will increase their capabilities around the world and become more well-rounded.
For example
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,teaching. Teachers should be well versed in all
subjects
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 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they should know how to help children in
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 kinds of situations .
For example
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, if you suddenly need first aid, teachers should know how to help in
this
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 situation. For
this
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, teachers should teach children how to help.
Therefore
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, in my opinion, teenagers should
study
Use synonyms
 all
subjects
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 at the same time.
On the other hand
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,pupils have to
study
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 only the main
subjects
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. Because it will be easier to become a specialist in their spheres as well they have more time to focus on their major,and
as a result
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, they will learn it more professionally.
For example
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, treatment. Doctor candidates can help a lot of people if they excel in their fields. If doctors become experts in their profession, they can help many people.
For
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this
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 reason, in my view, every young generation should
study
Use synonyms
 the
subjects
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 needed for that profession in order to perfect the profession they are interested in. In conclusion, it is better for teenagers to
study
Use synonyms
 all
subjects
Use synonyms
 equally,
although
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 some professions require only their
subjects
Use synonyms
. I personally think that students should concentrate on more main
subjects
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 related to their interests or choices.

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coherence
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will provide the reader with a roadmap of what to expect and strengthen your overall structure.
coherence
Your conclusion is good, but make sure it summarizes the main arguments of both sides before giving your opinion. This reinforces the discussion and provides a clear closing to your essay.
task achievement
You have good points and examples, but make sure each example is fully fleshed out and directly supports the point you're making. This will improve the relevance and impact of your examples.
general
Avoid repetition and strive for a variety in sentence structures and vocabulary. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence
You have a clear and logical structure from introduction through to the conclusion, which makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view before giving your own opinion. This is a strong approach for Task Response.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support the points being made, even though they could benefit from further development.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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