In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
In some
countries
the weight of individuals is rising and their physical health Add a comma
,countries
are
declining. In the following Change the verb form
is
essay
I will discuss the reason Add a comma
,essay
of
Change preposition
for
this
problem and provide some solution
for the problems.
One reason might be that Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
an
excessive use of junk Correct article usage
the
food
has become increased. Presently, people
specially
bear the full impact of eating junk Replace the word
especially
food
. Therefore
the obesity rate are
increasing rapidly. Change the verb form
is
An immediate
action Remove the article
Immediate
is require
to be taken in order the Change the verb form
is required
the
average weight of Remove the redundancy
apply
an individuals
. Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
For example
, the oil
use
to fry ken-tacky fried chicken is somewhat unhealthy and it has a detrimental effect on the body as a whole. To tackle the problem, Replace the word
used
Regulation
must be put in place to increase the quality of the Fix the agreement mistake
Regulations
food
such
as monitoring the usage of oil
in the KFC chain restaurant and the oil
must replace with another portion of it and then
fry new chicken with new oil
.
Another reason might be that the new technology made people
lazier. Despite the fact cutting edge
technology play a significant role in our lives, it has some drawbacks. Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
For
example
the popularity of Add a comma
,example
video
games
become increasing. therefore
physical activity will be decreased. Therefore
, this
is going to make people
obese. To address the issue, a person who play
Change the verb form
plays
video
games
must limit its
time Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
into
Change preposition
to
tangible
amount of time and it must be less than one hour.
In conclusion, junk Correct article usage
a tangible
food
may have a terrible effect on the the
body and plays a significant role in Remove the redundancy
apply
make
Change the verb form
making
people
obese. In addition
, cutting edge
technology Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
such
as playing video
games
make people
lazy and in order to solve the problem, time
limitation for playing Add an article
the time
video
games
must be a good practice.Submitted by mohammad.saffarian on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite