Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In our modern world, the rich are getting richer and the poor are becoming poorer.
Therefore
, it is suggested by some people that the gap between classes of our society should be eliminated as it can bring contentment to every family. Analysing I completely agree with
this
notion because if there
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
small differences between the richest and poorest members, it can bring equal opportunities to all and harmony in the community.
Firstly
, people below the poverty line are usually unemployed and illiterate,
whereas
,
this
problem can be easily solved if there is no economic inequality. In poor countries like Africa, the unemployment rate is too high, since the elites enjoy the most luxury of life,
however
, others still struggle every day to make a living.
This
socioeconomic gap tends to hinder the growth of the entire nation on a global scale.
Nonetheless
, if the difference narrows,
then
humans will get a proper portion of opportunities and resources which is said to be their basic right.
Secondly
, the developed nations have neglected
this
ratio which is one main contributor to their growth. In developed nations
such
as America, people do odd jobs throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
regardless of their social status, they earn
accordingly
yet society treats everyone equally and respectfully
instead
of judging them for their profession.
Consequently
, our planet can become a happy place to live and humans can live a better life. If societies welcome all, every individual can get a chance to perform well. In conclusion, some folks believe that it is crucial to remove economic differences in order to bring happiness.
According to
me, it is truly important to treat everyone fairly so that we can grow together and equally.
Submitted by ramanpreetkaursetia on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports a single main idea and expands upon it with examples. A little more elaboration could strengthen coherence.
Task Achievement
Although relevant examples are provided, they could be more specific or detailed to enhance the argument's persuasiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a clear framework for your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively covers the topic, responding completely to the task.
Task Achievement
The explanation of societal inequalities was clear and linked well to the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
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