Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In our modern world, the rich are getting richer and the poor are becoming poorer.

Therefore

, it is suggested by some people that the gap between classes of our society should be eliminated as it can bring contentment to every family. Analysing I completely agree with

this

notion because if there

will be

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

small differences between the richest and poorest members, it can bring equal opportunities to all and harmony in the community.

Firstly

, people below the poverty line are usually unemployed and illiterate,

whereas

this

problem can be easily solved if there is no economic inequality. In poor countries like Africa, the unemployment rate is too high, since the elites enjoy the most luxury of life,

however

, others still struggle every day to make a living.

This

socioeconomic gap tends to hinder the growth of the entire nation on a global scale.

Nonetheless

, if the difference narrows,

then

humans will get a proper portion of opportunities and resources which is said to be their basic right.

Secondly

, the developed nations have neglected

this

ratio which is one main contributor to their growth. In developed nations

such

as America, people do odd jobs throughout their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

regardless of their social status, they earn

accordingly

yet society treats everyone equally and respectfully

instead

of judging them for their profession.

Consequently

, our planet can become a happy place to live and humans can live a better life. If societies welcome all, every individual can get a chance to perform well. In conclusion, some folks believe that it is crucial to remove economic differences in order to bring happiness.

According to

me, it is truly important to treat everyone fairly so that we can grow together and equally.

Submitted by ramanpreetkaursetia on Tue Jun 20 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph clearly supports a single main idea and expands upon it with examples. A little more elaboration could strengthen coherence.

Task Achievement

Although relevant examples are provided, they could be more specific or detailed to enhance the argument's persuasiveness.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a clear framework for your argument.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively covers the topic, responding completely to the task.

Task Achievement

The explanation of societal inequalities was clear and linked well to the task.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

income inequality
distribution of wealth
social cohesion
social unrest
crime rates
economic equality
overall well-being
health outcomes
education outcomes
motivation
innovation
equal opportunities
wealth redistribution
economic growth
productivity

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