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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, women and men both work full-time. It is logical for men and women to share household chores equally (eg. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #women #men #work #household #chores #eg #children
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These days in many countries, both
women
Use synonyms
 and men work
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and it is a basic thing that they should divide
household
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 equally. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for many seasons. In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support my agreement will be outlined in detail.
To begin
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 with, most elders believe that
household
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 are a responsibility of
women
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 because in the past, all men needed to go out for working and there were not much
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 offered to
women
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, leading to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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had
Wrong verb form
having
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 to
stayed
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stay
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 home and cleaned the house.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 ancient mindset
have
Change the verb form
has
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effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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to
Change preposition
apply
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many people nowadays.
On the contrary
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, family
chores
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning houses, washing dishes and cooking should be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 every people in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 house, especially if all of them work full-time.
In addition
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,
household
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chores
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 are not only cleaning the house
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 looking after children. To illustrate, both father and mother should spend time with their children equally since it causes a good relationship between family.
Consequently
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, when those kids grow up, they will not feel that they lack
of
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apply
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family bonds. Another
advantages
Replace the adjective
advantage
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 of sharing
household
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 is that the family could have activities together
instead
Linking Words
 of watching television or playing games,
also
Linking Words
 it leads to a strong family bond .
Furthermore
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, the
chores
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 would finish faster if they help each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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. To summarize, I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint that the
household
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 should be shared equally for both men and
women
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 including children.
Submitted by foamary41 on

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