IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever beforeSome people say an ageing population creates problems for governmentsOther people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #beforesome #population #governmentsother #society
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There is no doubt that these days many
people
Use synonyms
 living longer than before. The question is, are the ageing population create new problems for the government or they can make a lot of benefit
of
Change preposition
to
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 society? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to describe both the advantages and disadvantages of
aged
Add an article
the aged
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 population. In terms of positive points, most of the aged
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of experience. The main reason given to support
this
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 claim is that the management department in the corporates especially technology companies
because
Correct word choice
apply
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they have to evolve the systems from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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zero, and that lead to
require
Change the verb form
requiring
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 a unique experience. To illustrate, the CEO of Apple Tim Cook has more than 20 years of coding training, so
that is
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 why now he holds a development department in the company.
In other words
Linking Words
, we need
people
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 with a long
experiences
Correct the article-noun agreement
experience
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 and that’s why we need aged
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes they create new problems, and the government has to find solutions. Nursing homes
for example
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, Japan one of the countries
that is
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 struggling in the hospital to take care of many aged
people
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 do not have families, but they open many nursing homes in different cities to hold the problems
,
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apply
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 and to be special places for
this
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 kind of
people
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. In conclusion, I agree that having more ageing in our population
,
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apply
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 can lead to many benefits.
Moreover
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, the aged can help us with their experiences, but perhaps there are some negative points that can affect the government budget.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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