It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
day and age, more and more people tend to take risks
to find valuable opportunities. Every individual holds different views about the significance of taking risks
in both their work lives and home lives. From my point of view, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
On the one hand, when we take risks
, we can learn several essential skills that are necessary for our lives. If people could address the challenges, they would develop their problem-solving skills. As an example, President Ho Chi Minh of Vietnam accepted to face the danger to gain the independence and freedom of the country during his lifetime. As a consequence
of constant efforts and studies, he finally
finds a way to save his country. In brief, those who are familiar with risks
will be well aware of essential ways of cutting corners, knowing how the market fluctuates, and getting ready to face the music. Once most of their possibility of losses has been reduced to a very low level, risks
can be regarded as opportunities in which one can receive more valuable things, enjoying the most fruitful results.
On the other hand
, getting out of the safe zone could lead to numerous negative impacts for us. Many people decide to do crucial work without calculations, and as a result
, they lose all of their finances and suffer mental illness. For instance
, a copious amount of youth startup by opening the café. They get loans from their friends, family, and even the banks. Finally
, 60% of them are bankrupt, they had to liquidate their café to salvage some of the money that they had invested. Moreover
, unable to bear the pressure of failure, they fall into depression.
In conclusion, every coin has two sides and this
issue is the same. While
taking risks
has both its pros and cons, I strongly believe that the disadvantages surpass the advantages.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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structure
Ensure that the introduction directly addresses the question and outlines the essay's structure. Although the introduction in this essay generally aligns with the topic, it could be more precise in stating the writer's position and the structure of the points to be discussed. This would offer a clearer roadmap for the reader.
content
Support main points with clear, relevant examples and further explanation to reinforce arguments. Some points are sufficiently elaborated, but others require more detailed examples and a clearer connection back to the main argument, particularly in the second body paragraph.
cohesion
Work on developing clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas. These elements assist in guiding the reader through the argument and help maintain a well-organized essay. This essay could benefit from stronger transitional phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
task response
To adequately address the task, ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed evenly, showing a balanced approach before concluding. It appears that the essay leans heavily towards the disadvantages, which could indicate a one-sided response to what is typically a balanced question.
conclusion
In concluding your essay, aim to summarize the arguments presented without introducing new information. The consideration of both sides before stating the final opinion should be clearer. Reinforce why one outweighs the other, based on the arguments made throughout the essay.