IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents believe that reading books for entertainment is a waste of children’s time. They think that their children should read only serious educational books. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Many believe that teenagers should read only academic
books
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, not
amusement
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books
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,
while
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 others think the opposite.
This
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 essay fully disagrees with
this
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 view because entertainment
books
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 can help improve adolescents' imaginative
skills
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 and creativity;
also
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 reading only serious
books
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 can deteriorate
children
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's social condition. One of the most underlying reasons for the significance of entertainment
books
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 is the enhancement of imagination and creativity.
This
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 is because, when
children
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 read various
amusement
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books
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such
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 as novels, manga, and anime, they begin to conceive of the plot and imagine characters like protagonists and antagonists.
In other words
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,
this
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 process contributes to the growth of particular parts of the brain, which positively influences certain
skills
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. Recent researches illustrate that
children
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 who are interested in
amusement
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books
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 can be more successful in
academy
Replace the word
academics
show examples
 than others.
However
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, reading educational
books
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 in early times can deteriorate offspring's social
skills
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, which can lead to difficulties
such
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 as being part of society.
Moreover
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, these
books
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 can hinder to
explore
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exploration
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 of their prime interests.
For instance
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, in Switzerland, the educational system does not allow
children
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 to read rigorous
books
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 in primary school;
instead
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, they stimulate
children
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 to read a wide variety of stories in order to help
offsprings
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offspring
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to
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apply
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discover their
skills
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 which is one of the invaluable priorities in the Swiss system.
As a result
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, it proves that adolescents should be kept apart from academic
books
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 before adulthood because of their dangers. In conclusion,
while
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amusement
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books
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 contribute to the enhancement of different
skills
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, entering academic life exclusively before adulthood can reduce social activeness and hinder participation in the community.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly convey both sides of the argument to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your supporting ideas directly relate to the main argument and are clearly articulated to improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay successfully presents a clear opinion and discusses both views, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The use of connecting phrases and structures is effective, helping to guide the reader through your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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