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Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
Nowadays, many
people
 leave their countries, distancing themselves from
friends
 and relatives. There are both advantages and disadvantages to
this
, but in my opinion, the ability to develop independence is more important than the drawbacks.
Firstly
, the main advantage of not staying close to family and
friends
 is learning to become independent. Everyone needs to be financially independent and able to cover their basic living expenses,
as well as
 improve new skills throughout their career before starting a family.
In addition
, if
people
 are accommodated in their family’s house or stuck in a routine with their
friends
, they often give up on developing different skills, taking care of a house, or saving money. When
people
 face difficulties, they gain responsibilities faster and become more mature in their work and social lives.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages to being far from family or
friends
.
For example
,
people
 can feel lonely and miss their loved ones, which can negatively affect their productivity at work. In conclusion,
although
 there are disadvantages to moving far from loved ones, in my opinion, the advantages of becoming independent, developing new skills, and maturing as a professional far outweigh the feelings of missing relatives, as
this
 issue can be easily addressed using technology.
For instance
, you can talk to your relatives via video calls or meet
friends
 in virtual chats, and once you start your own family, all of your hard work will be rewarded.
Submitted by lucianocamilot on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-organized and addresses the prompt effectively. However, incorporating more specific examples can make your arguments more convincing. For example, you could mention specific scenarios where people have thrived after moving away from family and friends.
coherence cohesion
The main points are clear and logically ordered. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to maintain a natural flow. More cohesive devices can enhance this flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion and reiterating it effectively.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by acknowledging the disadvantages while emphasizing your viewpoint effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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