The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram gives information on the steps required to make
chocolate
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are ten steps, from growing the
cocoa
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trees in suitable locations to
finally
Linking Words
pressing the
cocoa
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beans
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to liquidize them and produce
chocolate
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. At the start of the production process,
cocoa
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plants with
favorable
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favourable
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climates are planted in either South America, Africa, or Indonesia.
Then
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, when the
cocoa
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pods have matured and turned red,
the next step is
Linking Words
harvesting them by cutting them open with a knife and emptying the white
cocoa
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beans
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inside.
Thirdly
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, the
beans
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are fermented by being sandwiched between banana leaves before being spread out to be dried under the sun. Once adequately dried, the
cocoa
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beans
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are put in large bags and weighed before being transported by either trains or lorry to a factory. At the factory, the
beans
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are roasted at 350 degrees Celsius before transferring to the crushing machine. The roasted
beans
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go through a spinning machine which crushes the
beans
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while
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separating the outer shells.
Finally
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,
this
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inner part of the
beans
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is squeezed by a press machine, turning it into liquid
chocolate
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ready to be used in various
chocolate
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products.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chocolate, cocoa, beans with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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