Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

An obligation
that is
related to passing military
service
after high school graduation is a common practice for a
number
of countries and mostly affects men
whereas
for the
last
decade it fair for many genders. The idea to implement
this
practice globally is a hot topic nowadays. Despite some positive aspects, I strongly believe that there is no universal rule which is applicable to each case
as well as
strong reasons for mandatory presence in the
army
for a certain period of time. In
this
essay, I will discuss why I hold
this
viewpoint. The diversity in cultural, economic and social aspects dictates the policy for the
army
structure and
service
requirements.
For example
, in some places the culture is standing against weapons and violence,
in addition
, to support a sufficient
number
of people for military the significant funds should be adopted. These points play against compulsory attendance in the
army
due to
possible scenarios where people will try to escape from
this
obligation and the fact that some governments do not have enough money to support the
service
. The second argument that should be considered as a negative point for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mandatory
service
is the fact that the
number
of wars is continuously decreasing during the
last
century. The idea itself was implemented to provide the possibility for the state to mobilize trained people fast in case of an attack or an emergency,
moreover
, it was proven as an efficient strategy in history.
While
there are some valuable arguments that vote for, it is clear now that wars are under extinction as a way to solve problems and society does not require a big
army
at the moment. In conclusion, I would like to highlight that
despite
Change preposition
apply
show examples
governments could still find a
number
of reasons to obligate citizens to serve in the
army
. I strongly believe that it should not be the rule of thumb for every place on the earth and the policy should be aligned with the cultural code and economic resources of the country.
Submitted by masalovaleksey on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the clarity and fluency by using more varied linking words and phrases. This will enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific and relevant examples to strengthen the arguments presented. Consider providing examples from particular countries or historical contexts.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the position on the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's viewpoint.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument against compulsory military service.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!