IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Luckily society has learned from previous mistakes made and most
governments
Use synonyms
 aim to avoid going into war. It doesn’t make sense
spending
Change the verb form
to spend
show examples
 a considerable part of a country’s gross domestic product on weapons.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I support the thesis that we should spend less
money
Use synonyms
 on defence. There are some reasons why it is crucial for
governments
Use synonyms
 to put a significant amount of
money
Use synonyms
 aside for protecting their population. If another country,
for example
Linking Words
, attacks its neighbour state
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 should be prepared and able to fight back. It might even stop your enemies to approach an attack if they know that you would be prepared to oppose their potential war initiation.
Although
Linking Words
 we
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately,
show examples
 require some means of protection, I don’t think that
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on the army and navy. On the other side, nowadays we have the resources to educate ourselves and understand that a war only brings out losers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, from an early age, we should teach kids about the consequences on society and the economy
previous
Correct word choice
that previous
show examples
 wars have brought to us.
This
Linking Words
 can be done by talking to people of the older generation who have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced tragedies or by educating students about the possible
affects
Replace the word
effects
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 and aftermaths of using violence. In my opinion,
money
Use synonyms
 spent on the defence force should be kept to a minimum and
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 put towards education. In conclusion, a huge part of a country’s expenses still goes towards
armed
Correct article usage
the armed
show examples
 forces.
This
Linking Words
 could be avoided and rather spent on teaching kids about a peaceful approach. I think that
governments
Use synonyms
 should be able to protect their countries with people’s skills rather than a big defence budget.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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