IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some parents and teachers think that children's behaviour should be strictly controlled. While some think that children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#parents #teachers #children #behaviour #think
It has always been argued that a few
section
Change to a plural noun
sections
show examples
 of families and mentors consider that it is
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to control the
behaviour
 of
children
,
whereas
 opponents
children
 need to behave freely. In my opinion, I favour the former perspective;
however
,
this
 essay shall shed light upon both viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand,
Parents
 are the primary teachers and home is the first school for the
children
 where they learn to develop their personality and
children
 can acquire moral values and ethics how to communicate in the
sociey
Correct your spelling
society
 with older ones and young people. If
parents
 do that types
things
Change preposition
of things
show examples
 in front of their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
, obviously they follow their footpath.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that around the
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
parents
 have an essential role in teaching concepts of good and evil and moral values to their
children
.
Due to
 the above-mentioned, I favour the same.
On the other hand
, a few individuals think that
children
 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to show their
behaviour
 in front of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
, whilst it puts an adverse impact on juvenile's life as nowadays,
children
 spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most time digitalization
such
 as they watch series and movies on online platforms and follow western culture, so they do not give respect to their near
nad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 dear ones.
For example
, an article published by The Tribune newspaper showed that almost 45% of
children
 have been influenced
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 bad
behaviour
 owing to technology.
To conclude
,
although
parents
 have power train to their
children
 regarding good
behaviour
 as they spend more time together, I personally believe that
children
 should depict their
behaviour
 in the community, but it is
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 thing because these days
children
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not ethnic values.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boundaries
  • self-discipline
  • authority
  • future success
  • safeguard
  • consequences
  • harmful decisions
  • immaturity
  • independence
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creativity
  • emotional well-being
  • rigid rules
  • explore interests
  • express themselves
What to do next:
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