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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the number of shops that closed in the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

the graph below shows the number of shops that closed in the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018
#shops #country
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The line graph illustrates the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 which are closed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of new
shops
Use synonyms
 that are opening in a country between 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the fluctuation graph of
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed and opened is almost alike. The new
stores
Use synonyms
 that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened in 2011
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
stores
Use synonyms
 which are closed,
whereas
Linking Words
 it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reverse
Wrong verb form
reversed
show examples
 in 2018. In terms of
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
, the
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed in 2011 are over 6.000 even
tough
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 it
finally
Linking Words
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 6000 in 2012 but it is facing
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend to about a little over 7000 in 2013. The closed
stores
Use synonyms
 become unpopular
therefore
Linking Words
 the
amount
Use synonyms
 of it is extremely decreased to almost 500 before it is rising hardly
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2016 by 5.000 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 the same
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2018.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
new
Change the word
newly
show examples
 opened
stored
Replace the word
stores
show examples
 became commonly popular
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2011 for about a little below 9000
shops
Use synonyms
 before it roughly
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 4000
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012 and fluctuated until 2015 with the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened in 2012. Between 2015 and 2017
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the years
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of opened
stores
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 stable
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 about 4000.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the end of
given
Add an article
a given
the given
show examples
 period, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased to the 3000
shops
Use synonyms
 that are opened
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2018.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, shops, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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