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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many parents choose to teach their children at home rather than sending their children to school. Do you think the benefits of home-schooling outweigh its drawbacks?

#parents #children #home #school
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Many
children
Use synonyms
 are studying at
home
Use synonyms
, taught by their
parents
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, rather than going to
school
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. From my
of
Change preposition
apply
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viewpoint,
although
Linking Words
 it could lead them to know their
interests
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due to
Linking Words
 private learning with their
parents
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, they would lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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an authentic friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
authentic friends
an authentic friend
show examples
. In the following paragraphs, the advantages and disadvantages of
home
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-schooling will be discussed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most
parents
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 prefer their
children
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study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 at
home
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 because they live in a remote city, spending a long time
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. Sometimes, kids need to take exceed 2 transportations before arriving
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
school
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some of them have to take a train and
then
Linking Words
 get on a bus to
school
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 which spend more than one hour.
As a result
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,
parents
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 have chosen their kids to study at
home
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 as a
home
Use synonyms
-schooling.
In addition
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,
home
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studied
Replace the word
study
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 can lead them to learn based on their
interests
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 which is a really great benefit. To illustrate, if they like
Add the particle
to experiment
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experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
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 and science,
then
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 their
parents
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 would plan the lesson,
matched
Change the verb form
to match
show examples
 their
interests
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 since the
school
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 teaches many subjects and
children
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 cannot choose, affecting them
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not know their
interests
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 or
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 subjects.
On the other hand
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
-schooling
also
Linking Words
 affects
children
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 in many aspects
such
Linking Words
 as authentic society which means kids would not have friends in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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 since they spend time only with their fathers, mothers and a laptop.
Consequently
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, it could
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
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 them to be an introvert and
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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 afraid of being sociable.
Furthermore
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, when they become an adult, they would feel that they do not have a child life, consisting of going to
school
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, having lunch and playing sports with friends. To summarize, despite learning at
home
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 can benefits
children
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 to know what they are interested
, there
Change preposition
in, there
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 are many drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as being an introvert and lacking
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
Therefore
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, it can be emphasized that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by foamary41 on

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