Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Music

Use synonyms

is a universal language understood by all. It is argued that

music

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is a suitable way to gather

people

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from various nationalities and ages together. I completely agree with

this

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statement because

music

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can convey a message and different

people

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can gather in musical concerts to have fun. On the one hand,

music

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is a language that can convey its sense through its rhythm, and the majority of

people

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understand it. Most of the time in countries’ revolutions artists try to present their protests through their songs. These songs could convey the citizens’ sorrows and problems to the other nations without breaking any laws.

As a result

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, individuals from other nationalities might deliver their messages to other governments in order to ask for help.

Besides

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, today, thanks to social media, revolutionary

music

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becomes viral in less than an hour, and the whole world understands about one’s issues,

this

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may prevent the government’s bullying.

On the other hand

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music

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concerts are the most popular events which are held in different parts of the world. These kinds of recreational activities cause

people

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from different nationalities and ages to come together and spend some quality time in a peaceful place.

For example

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, the famous Eras Tour of Taylor Swift was able to sell her tickets to thousands of

people

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from young to old, and provide them unforgettable moments.

Moreover

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, there are lots of musical events that represent the traditional

music

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of some areas. These exhibitions are able to revive the die-out

music

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and attract some global attention to their culture.

This

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might create more connections between individuals and their history. In conclusion,

music

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has some secret and strong elements. In my opinion,

music

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can save a nation from its dictator government by increasing the world’s awareness, and it has the power to bring

people

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together and eliminate boundaries.

Negar_seddighWed Jun 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve clarity and coherence, some minor grammatical and punctuation issues should be addressed. For example, sentences like 'the whole world understands about one’s issues' would be clearer if rewritten as 'the whole world becomes aware of one's issues'.

task achievement

While the arguments presented are relevant, incorporating more varied and nuanced examples could strengthen your essay. For instance, besides concerts and revolutionary songs, including other forms such as traditional folk music or global collaborations can add depth.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion that ties the main points together effectively. This demonstrates good control of essay organization.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt completely, providing specific examples and clear ideas to support the main argument. This shows a comprehensive approach to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, the government has tried to reduce traffic. For instance, they imposed a congestion tax during rush hour. Do you think this development is positive or negative?