Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions, like nurses, doctors, and teachers. Some people think it is fully justified, while others believe it is unfair. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
athletes
have much more high
salaries
than other crucial professionals
such
as nurses,doctors and teachers some
people
think it is not fair.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
others disagree with the opinion which claims it is not justified. I think sportsmen's contracts have
salaries
more than they deserve.
However
, it is not just about deserving it is
also
connected
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
supply-demand balance. From my point of view,
athletes
' earnings are extremely high despite their role in society. There are more important workers for humanity
such
as doctors and nurses. They are defined as important because we need them. To clarify, without them, we would not find anyone to solve our health problems.
As a result
of
this
, our life length will experience
drastic
Add an article
a drastic
show examples
decrease.
On the contrary
,
athletes
do not play
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
role in our lives.
Therefore
, fulfilling
salaries
must be given to these types of workers
due to
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
them.
Otherwise
,
people
willing to be
athletes
instead
of being doctors.
Then
society probably will have to struggle with a lack of qualified
people
.
On the other hand
, I can not say it is fully unfair because there is a huge correlation between
salaries
and the supply-demand balance.
In other words
, If
people
spend a sea of
money
on a sector
people
who work in the sector earn lots of
money
.Because if bosses earn a lot they can give a lot to their workers as a salary.In the sports
sector
Add a comma
,sector
show examples
people
are willing to spend their
money
on some fan products
such
as shirts and caps so employers earn a lot.
As a result
of
this
sportsmen and sportswomen want more
money
because without them the owner of the team might not
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
. In conclusion, despite the fact that some professionals have much more crucial things to do sportsmen earn higher
salaries
.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
some
people
claim that their earnings are not morally acceptable. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
it is not completely wrong but if we did not give enough importance to qualified
people
we would face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expert
Add an article
an expert
the expert
show examples
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
in some sectors. Balance must be set.
Submitted by yunussemreozkaya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: