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Band 5.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions, like nurses, doctors, and teachers. Some people think it is fully justified, while others believe it is unfair. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions #nurses #doctors #teachers
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Although
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,
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apply
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athletes
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 have much more high
salaries
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 than other crucial professionals
such
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 as nurses,doctors and teachers some
people
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 think it is not fair.
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However
Add a comma
,However
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 others disagree with the opinion which claims it is not justified. I think sportsmen's contracts have
salaries
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 more than they deserve.
However
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, it is not just about deserving it is
also
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 connected
with
Change preposition
to
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 supply-demand balance. From my point of view,
athletes
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' earnings are extremely high despite their role in society. There are more important workers for humanity
such
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 as doctors and nurses. They are defined as important because we need them. To clarify, without them, we would not find anyone to solve our health problems.
As a result
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 of
this
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, our life length will experience
drastic
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a drastic
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 decrease.
On the contrary
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,
athletes
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 do not play
key
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a key
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 role in our lives.
Therefore
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, fulfilling
salaries
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 must be given to these types of workers
due to
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encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
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 them.
Otherwise
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,
people
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 willing to be
athletes
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instead
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 of being doctors.
Then
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 society probably will have to struggle with a lack of qualified
people
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.
On the other hand
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, I can not say it is fully unfair because there is a huge correlation between
salaries
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 and the supply-demand balance.
In other words
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, If
people
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 spend a sea of
money
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 on a sector
people
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 who work in the sector earn lots of
money
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.Because if bosses earn a lot they can give a lot to their workers as a salary.In the sports
sector
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,sector
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people
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 are willing to spend their
money
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 on some fan products
such
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 as shirts and caps so employers earn a lot.
As a result
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 of
this
Linking Words
 sportsmen and sportswomen want more
money
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 because without them the owner of the team might not
earns
Change the verb form
earn
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. In conclusion, despite the fact that some professionals have much more crucial things to do sportsmen earn higher
salaries
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.
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Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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 some
people
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 claim that their earnings are not morally acceptable. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 it is not completely wrong but if we did not give enough importance to qualified
people
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 we would face
with
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apply
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expert
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an expert
the expert
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shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
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 in some sectors. Balance must be set.
Submitted by yunussemreozkaya on

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