The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The given bar chart presents the percentage of men participating in senior development in the chosen companies from 1980 to 2010. From
overall
Add an article
an overall
show examples
perspective, Apple had the most share in the first 15
years
.
On the other hand
, IBM surged to be on top for the next 15
years
of period time. IBM
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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got the least compared to the others in 1980 with only 1%. In 1990, they had a significant increase to approximately 12% of participation. 2010 saw the most dramatic rise for IBM, twice as high as in 2000 with 62%. As
of
Change preposition
for
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Microsoft, they had about 8% in 1980. The number grows gradually
for
Change preposition
over
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the next 20
years
. 2010 shows a remarkable development
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
they reach 55% of men’s participation in senior development.
Event
Correct your spelling
Even
show examples
though the mentioned companies have positive trends each year,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Apple shows a fluctuation over the course of 30
years
. They started with 14% in 1980
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and somehow decreased 2% in 1990. They have
noticeable
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a noticeable
the noticeable
show examples
rise in 1995 and down in 2000. Just like the other companies, in 2010 the percentage grew to 25%.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

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