IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many students find it difficult to pay attention at school. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #attention #school
distraction, reduce the quality of
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
,
iran
Change the capitalization
Iran
show examples
-cellphone,
detrimental
Add an article
the detrimental
show examples
 effect of
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of phone stay a long
time
 in
class
, tend to reduce the attention in
class
,
iran
Change the capitalization
Iran
show examples
-1.5 hours,
autjoriteis
Correct your spelling
authorities
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 reduce the amount of
time
 In the contemporary world,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on one
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
particular subject is extremely hard
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters and
students
. Today, numerous pupils face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lots of difficulties to concentrate at
school
. In the following paragraphs, I will explain the reason and provide solutions. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
concentration
Add an article
the concentration
show examples
 of pupils is distraction, in the fast-paced world, technologies provide lots of
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
, which can be really hard to resist for the
students
 to put away all of those humorous and entertaining activities.
An excessive
Remove the article
Excessive
show examples
use
 of cell-phone could have a negative impact on the student’s scores.In the other word, those pupils who are fully focused and listening to the
teacher
 are more likely to get higher marks
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 those
students
 who are distracted by their cell-phone. To tackle the issue, the people who are in charge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
school
 must put in place some
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 for the
students
 who
use
 their cell-phone during the session and it must be forbidden to
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class
.
Secondly
, long hours of studying can destroy
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 concentration. it leads to reduce the pupil’s attention.
Therefore
, the
teacher
 should
wary
Add a missing verb
be wary
show examples
 about the
time
 limitation in the
class
.
For instance
, In Iran,
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average
time
 for each session in the
school
 is one hour and
half
Correct article usage
a half
show examples
 which is quite a lot. it not only
obliterate
Correct subject-verb agreement
obliterates
show examples
 student’s
concentrate
Replace the word
concentration
show examples
 but
also
 it is hard for the
teacher
 to teach a particular subject to
students
.
Pomodore
Correct your spelling
Pomodoro
 technique provides a way to reduce the amount of
time
 to 25 minutes in order to increase concentration in the
class
. In
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 both
students
 and
teacher
 are less likely to get distracted and they more focus during the
class
. In conclusion, the people who are in charge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
school
 should
use
 the most recent techniques to overcome the obstacles
such
 as distractions and
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
burn out
Correct your spelling
burnout
show examples
.
Submitted by mohammad.saffarian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: