IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, business companies emphasize their advertisements in various ways to show that their products are new because they gain more profit by altering the packaging and promoting them. I see
this
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 as a positive development. Today, the majority of companies highlight their
product
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 advertisements by altering the
product
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 style.
This
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 increases their
sales
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 and profits because they know that
people
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 need attractive and informative packaging and advertising so that they can read the
product
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's instructions and choose the right
product
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 for their needs.
For instance
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, in 1990, Cadbury launched the chocolates in simple packaging, which affected their
sales
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 because
people
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 did not know about the
product
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 ingredients.
Then
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 the company changed the
product
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 style and launched it as a new
product
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 with an advertisement and all the ingredients mentioned.
As a result
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, they were able to generate a good profit by fulfilling the customer's requirements, and they established a strong brand value.
Nevertheless
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, I believe
this
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 is a positive development, as it provides valuable information that aids the customer in selecting the
product
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according to
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 their needs. If there are no advertisements or packaging details,
people
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 may find it difficult to choose the right
product
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 for their needs.
For instance
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, Planet Diet promotes its products by highlighting their nutritional values,
such
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 as protein, carbohydrates, fats, minerals, and vitamins.
This
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 strategy helps the company to enhance its
sales
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 because customers can know very well before making a purchase.
As a result
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, the company creates trust among the customers by displaying all valuable details. In conclusion, businesses do advertising in various ways,
such
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 as altering their packaging and displaying its content value.These strategies really help them to boost their
sales
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 are able to learn about their
product
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 and make a purchase.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on why emphasizing newness in advertising is significant for businesses, and how it impacts consumer behavior. This will enrich the essay's depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly follows the previous one logically. While the overall flow is good, connecting phrases could enhance the fluidity.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer transition between the paragraphs discussing the positive impact and the conclusion, summarizing the main points succinctly.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the reasons why businesses emphasize newness in their products and argues that this development is positive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, clearly setting the stage and summarizing the main arguments effectively.
task achievement
The use of examples such as Cadbury and Planet Diet effectively illustrates the points made about product advertising and consumer decision-making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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